The Reality I Make For Myself
by Evanhellion
Summary: This is what could happen in an one of the alternate realities of Evangelion after EoE.
1. Disclaimer

*~DISCLAIMER!!!~*

I do not own Evangelion. Gainax does. All characters, events, blah blah, make no money off this, blah blah, don't sue me, it's more money to sue than I could pay in damages. Don't flame me unless you want to be very fluently flamed back until not even forensic medicine could tell what you were. Comments, questions, opinions, and money are all readily accepted. That said, enjoy my fic. It's my virgin effort, so feedback, as always, is appreciated.  -Evanhellion


	2. The Reality I Make For Myself, Chapter 1

**The Reality I make for myself**

In "The Beast That Shouted "I" at The Heart of The World," we see an alternate reality,

a possible path that the cast of Evangelion could have come down. These realities have their own rules, their own endings, and their own Instrumentalities. This is the chronicling of a handful of those realities.

The setting: Tokyo-3

The time: after the 3rd Impact

The cast:  Shinji Ikari, Asuka Langley Sohryu

            "How disgusting..."

The words broke the otherwise silent night. Silent but for the quiet sobbing of a young man, the savior of the whole world. Not that anyone knew this. Or cared. Right then, all anyone cared about was getting this stupid boy OFF of her. He was DRIPPING on her. Shinji was practically a leaking vegetable, a husk of a man, barely aware enough to know that he had just tried to kill Asuka with his bare hands. Finally, in a moment of terrifying deja vu for Shinji, Asuka spoke again.

            "Will you get off?"

The shock of hearing these words again, and in much the same tone of voice, jolted Shinji out of his episode. He looked down at her, and this time actually looked at her, before scrambling carefully off of her.

            "I'm sorry, Asuka..."

He sounded genuinely sorry this time, not the default apology he used to hand out. She looked at him, ready to tear into him for being so spineless, but she never got around to it. Sitting up, she scowled as she realized that this damn bandage was obscuring her vision. Something wasn't right about that, she shouldn't have been able to see at all out of that eye. And why didn't her arm hurt? Curiously, she looked down at her bandaged arm, flexing the fingers in a very Shinji-esqe gesture. 

            Satisfied that it wasn't about to gush blood all over the place, she began to unravel the dressing, her suspicions confirmed as she uncovered her hand. She WAS unhurt, that vicious rending of her body before the Impact had been erased. A strange excitement flooded her as she tore at the bandages on her face. As with her hand, her eye was completely fine, squinting slightly in the dim light reflected off the lake...

            Shinji just sat there, his mind awash with the impressions of the last few hours. He remembered Rei, huge and white, towering over him in Unit-01 after he'd been crucified on those lances. Those black eyes, then Kaoru in her place, the calm that came over him. Complete resignation to fate at that point, letting it all just happen. Then the jumble of images that was Instrumentality, the sea of Rei's swimming in unison, the mental chaos, the sea of LCL and Rei straddling him, her hands in his chest. His mother, and then this...

            "Asuka... We're... Alive. And still us. Instrumentality failed..."

            "What? What are you talking about?"

            "Third Impact... Everything Father schemed and planned for all these years... It failed. Because of me."

            "Make sense, damn you!"

Shinji began laughing uncontrollably, a strange, hysterical laughter punctuated by sobs. He knew that he was free of his father now, because of something he did, a choice that he made. He chose to destroy his father's work, the only fitting revenge for abandoning him all these years. His expression was that one of desperation, that smile that clung to sanity with its fingertips. He'd worn it before, most recently when Kaoru came for him.

            Asuka was as close to frightened as it was possible for her to be right then. She'd never seen Shinji like this before, and she didn't care to see it ever again. Deciding that a delicate touch might be in order, she reached out with one hand to touch his...

            "Shinji? Please calm down. It's okay, you know?"

She wondered at herself, not sure where she learned such nice things from. Probably Hikari. Wherever it came from, it seemed to work, if only because it startled Shinji so much he stopped laughing to gape at her. Taking her hand, he gripped it with the intensity of a drowning man thrown a lifeline, and for much the same reason.

            "Thank you, Asuka. I think I'm okay, now."

She favored him with a rare smile, like she did whenever one would save the other's life from some angel attack or other. Smiling back, Shinji thought to himself, _She really is pretty, especially in this light..._

Looking around at the beach, he noticed that the surf wasn't actually water, and smelled suspiciously like blood, even though it was kind of a yellow-orange hue, and viscous. The whole lake seemed to be made of LCL, and what a lake. Where half of Tokyo-3 stood was now a giant hole in the ground, the area around it looking surprisingly intact. There were even lights in some sections of the city. Wherever the power generators were for the city, it wasn't under the central block. 

            Sighing, Shinji got to his feet, looking out over the city. Relief spread over him as he saw Misato's apartment complex, and with lights. At least they still had a home. Looking down, he helped Asuka get to her feet, and the two of them stood, looking out over the water, the very picture of a new beginning, a New Genesis for mankind. The moment faded, though, when both their stomachs reminded them that yes, they were alive, and yes, this required eating.

            "Urgh... I feel like I haven't eaten in days."

            "I know what you mean, Asuka. Let's head into what's left of town and see if we can't find some food. Goodness knows we wouldn't find any at home."

            "Heh, that's certainly true. Let's go, Shinji."

Setting off, the two of them actually manage to fall into a comfortable silence, but before long, they start to talk.

                                                *                      *                      *

            "It's weird… I feel like there's a storm in my head…but if I concentrate, I can pick out things.  Names, faces, memories that don't belong to me. It's like… What was that movie, back before the 2nd Impact? Had that Scotsman who couldn't die?"

            "Braveheart?"

            "No, different Scotsman. This one went around cutting off heads. Blew up cars."

            "Weird."

            "HIGHLANDER! He was immortal, and when all the others of his kind were gone, he could read the minds of everyone on the planet."

            "Now that you mention it, I feel it too. Is this what the Commander meant by Instrumentality?"

            "No, that was before… We're outside of Instrumentality, or very nearly. Maybe our contact with the Evas tuned us in, somehow?"

            "It's weird, like the LCL all around us is full of people. This is like when Unit-01 absorbed you."

            "Absorbed me? What are you talking about?"

            "Baka! Remember when you fought Zeruel, and your synch ratio jumped to over 400%?"

            "Are you SERIOUS? I did that?"

            "I guess you don't remember. You had seemingly dissolved into the LCL, and been absorbed by Unit-01. It spit you out again, eventually, but Ritsuko and Misato tried like hell to get you back themselves. Misato cried when the plug opened up and you weren't there."

            "Really? Wow. All I remember is waking up in the hospital."

            "Baka Shinji."

            "I'm sor-… I'm not an idiot, Asuka." 

            "Huh? When the hell did you grow a spine?" 

            "I think saving the world a few times must do that for a guy."

            "Well, this'll take some getting used to."

Walking away from ground zero, making their way back into what's left of the city, Shinji makes an afterthought, "As will having to put up with no one but ourselves."

            "WHAT?!" 

            "Haven't you noticed, there's no one else in sight for as far as I can see. It seems like we're the only people left in Tokyo-3, maybe the whole planet."

            "Great, just great. It's the end of the world and YOU end up being the last man on earth.  Can my life POSSIBLY get any worse?"

            "I'd say this is an improvement to taking on the Eva series all by yourself."

Asuka shuddered, remembering the feeling of getting torn apart as her Eva was literally eaten alive. "That's certainly true."

They walked in silence a little more, and came upon the convenience store that they usually went to. Naturally, it was devoid of people, but a couple of slicks of LCL dotted the road and floor.

It was strange, but the electricity still seemed to be working in much of the city, such as was left. Apparently the MAGI really did control everything, and the humans were extraneous.

            "Yecch.. Don't step in anybody if you can help it."

            "I don't think they know, or care, Asuka. Anyway, with no one here, no government, it's two person anarchy now. You and me and all the food that's left in this place. I think we ought to go about setting up some sort of survival plan."

            "Wow, you actually had a good idea for once. How do you plan to go about saving our lives, Mr. Invincible?"

            "That's about enough. You don't have to be such a cold bitch anymore, you know."

            "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!" 

As can be expected, she immediately lashed out and tried to slap him. Unexpectedly, however, he raised his arm in a perfect forearm block, much to their mutual astonishment. 

            "How the hell did I do _that_?"

            "How the hell did you _do_ that?"

Shinji blinked and looked at his arm. Asuka was too shocked to try and get another slap in, and her astonishment took most of the wind out of her indignation.

            "It must have been from the mind of someone in the LCL, someone who knew martial arts… Asuka, I think I know how we can survive. And…"

            "And what? Did you think of something else?"

            "I don't know yet… Let's worry about one thing at a time. What do you want for dinner?"

Since most of what they'd been used to eating was instant anyway, putting together dinner was a simple enough matter. Sitting down with some instant ramen and microwave gyoza, Shinji appeared lost deep in thought. Asuka, for her part, tried to get the hang of all the voices in her head that weren't her own or her mothers, and how to sort them out. Cracking open a can of Calpis, Shinji looked up at Asuka, a noodle dangling from his mouth.  

            "Asuka, you said that Ritsuko and Misato tried to pull me out of the LCL by themselves? Do you remember what they did?"

"I wasn't there… Zeruel almost killed me along with my Unit-02, they cut the connection right before it took my head off… I was in the hospital for a while." She scowled as she remembered her defeat, but somehow it wasn't as crushingly depressing as it used to be. Somehow, with only one other person in the world to compete with, she'd lost most of her driving need to be the best at everything.

            "Oh."

            "Why do you ask?"

            "I was just thinking.. If they knew a way, theoretically, to pull a person out of the LCL, why couldn't we do that too? I mean, we have their memories, their thoughts… We just need to learn how to harness them."

            "That's really sci-fi, Shinji. Think we can do it?"

            "Our whole lives are really sci-fi, Asuka. It's like we're living in one of Kensuke's dreams or something. Giant android robot fights, cities that retreat underground, huge, white naked angel Rei's killing the whole planet…"

            "Oh, yeah.. I forgot about Wondergirl. What do you think happened to her?"

            "I…don't know." _I don't have the heart to tell you the truth about her, not after Ritsuko killed them all._

            "Well, I hope she's okay, wherever she is."

            "Yeah, me too."

Shinji blinked as he realized something, "Did you just voice concern for another human being, Asuka? You must be as changed as I am from all this."

            "Must be. Shut up and finish your ramen before it gets cold."

Having finally finished eating, they cleaned up their mess and went back out into the world, careful not to step in anyone. There were puddles of LCL everywhere, and little rivulets of it ran in the storm drains and roadsides. Eventually, they made it back to Misato's apartment, Shinji immediately going for his SDAT player, Asuka turning on the TV. Both these normally reliable diversions were to be cut short, however, as the TV, naturally, had no programming on and the SDAT chose that day, in all the months it had been in Tokyo-3, to burn out the batteries and die.

(together:) "DAMMIT!"

            It would seem that their synchronization training during the battle against Israphel hadn't worn off yet after all. With nothing better to do, they convened in the living room and sat, staring at each other, for about as long as either one could stand, until finally Asuka snapped her fingers in realization.

            "I've GOT IT!"

            "What?" 

            "Let's go down to headquarters, try that thing you were talking about, and pull Kaji out of the LCL!"

            "Um, okay, but why Kaji?"

            "Because I need a real man to continue the human race with, baka!"

            "Newsflash, Asuka, but you're fourteen years old."

            "Almost fifteen!"

            "Uh huh. Anyway, it's worth a shot. Anything's better than just sitting here staring at each other all night."

            "Aww, what's the matter, Shinji, don't you like staring at the most attractive woman on the planet?"

            "The only woman on the planet," Shinji muttered.

            "What was that?!"

            "Nothing, Asuka." _This is going to be a long rest of my life if this is what I have to look forward to._

Asuka glared at him a moment longer, then yawned deeply. Shinji, watching her, yawned also. Partly out of sympathy, but partly because, as he realized, that he was exhausted. "Actually, Shinji, let's go to bed. Get a fresh start in the morning."

            "Suits me fine. Goodnight, Asuka."

Asuka paused on her way into her room, suddenly assaulted with unfamiliar feelings towards Shinji. She'd felt them before, when he saved her from the volcano after the fight with Sandalphon. Feelings of gratitude, of warmth and, God help her, affection. 

_NO! I mustn't let myself feel this way about him! Pull it together, Asuka, he's just some idiot boy. So what if he saved your life a couple of times, you've done the same for him. You're Asuka Langley Sohryu, you don't need him or anyone else!_

In the face of the overwhelming fact of their complete and utter solitude on this planet, however, her thoughts rang hollow. _Oh, what the hell. Can't hurt to be nice to him this once._

            "Goodnight, Shinji. Sweet dreams."

Shinji paused, midway into changing the batteries in his SDAT. He was so shocked he nearly dropped his SDAT player, and was too paralyzed to say anything until after she'd shut the door.

*quietly* "Sweet dreams, Asuka."

As he lay down with fresh batteries, playing the 25th track on his SDAT, he found that he couldn't sleep for the voices in his head. Grumbling, he turned up his music, hoping it could drown out the cacophony between his ears.

Between tracks, he could hear Asuka moaning restlessly in the next room. Apparently the voices troubled her dreams as well, in the form of nightmares. Presently, she opened the door and stepped out. Shinji played possum, closing his eyes and killing his music. The flushing of the toilet told him she just needed to use the facilities. Asuka must have been just half-awake, though, because she flopped down next to Shinji on the floor there, just as she had the night before they defeated Israphel. 

            Shinji choked back a scream, not quite as overwhelmed this time. In a bizzare moment of deja-vu, he looked down at her, admiring her body through her nightshirt, but not trying to kiss her. Sighing, he pulled a blanket over her and rolled over, turning his music back on, fighting for sleep. He could have done without the dreams.


	3. The Reality I Make For Myself, Chapter 2

The Reality I Make For Myself: New Genesis ch. 2 

            Asuka and Shinji adapted well to living alone by themselves. Shinji was the cook, more often than not, and Asuka fell into a societally ingrained habit of keeping the house clean. To be fair, however, each did their share of everything, and managed not to kill each other out of sheer boredom. Not having television had taught them the true meaning of "quality time," that being usually spent alone in the tub, at least for Asuka. Shinji still had unpleasant bouts of tub-induced memories, and so chose to lay in bed listening to his SDAT. 

            The morning after they awoke from Instrumentality, they had tried to make it into NERV headquarters. First thing that they discovered, and much to their mutual surprise, was that most of the interior structure of the Geofront was intact and undamaged. Indeed, the greenery around the lake looked better than ever, perhaps owing to the new crater that was providing sunlight for them. At the far end, near the mountain ranges, a huge LCL-fall streamed constantly, draining into who-knew-where. It was, in its way, quite beautiful, even if the air for a mile around smelled like there had been a massacre. 

            Getting into Headquarters was a little trickier, as the halls were flooded with Bakelite. It was, however, the work of a minute or so of determined effort to get into an air duct and belly-crawl their way into Central Dogma. What they found there was almost devastating. Until now, the clothes that lay soaking in LCL were faceless, nameless uniforms, either JSSDF or NERV personnel. Central Dogma had grue of a different hue. In each of the expected and familiar places around the console and towers lay the clothes and puddles that had been Aoba, Ibuki and Hyuuga. The Subcommanders's puddle was where he had always been, at the right hand of Gendo Ikari's desk.

            Shinji swallowed hard, fighting tears. He had to be a man, now, and act like it. Asuka was having similar issues, a sob escaping from her when she read the last line input on Maya's laptop, the legend "I NEED YOU" in English letters. 

            "Oh, Shinji... They're gone. They're all gone."

            "I know. There's nothing we can do right now, though. If you're right, and this works, we can get them all back. For now, try and be strong again."

            Asuka nodded, her face hardening into a mask, her mouth a grim line. She WOULD be strong, this idiot couldn't be trusted to be the man she needed him to be. _Why the hell did I just think that?_

            "Hey, Asuka! Look at this. The MAGI are all still up, and they are apparently working fine."

            "Really? Let me see!"

She got up from staring at Maya's laptop and walked over to Aoba's console. True to what Shinji said, the MAGI all read functional, although they were currently offline of any network, anywhere.

            "Huh... What do you suppose disconnected them from the other MAGI, the other branches of NERV?"

            "I don't know. Maybe SEELE sent troops to attack the other branches? Wait, what's this? Type 666 firewall? What the hell?"

            "Why would they need a firewall that strong? Unless... SEELE or someone must have tried to hack into the MAGI system using the other branches of NERV, the other MAGI systems. This is going to be a problem."

            "You're not kidding. I remember Ritsuko mentioning the data from the extraction experiment was all sent to Germany. Now we don't have what we need to pull Kaji back!"

            Frowning, Shinji went through the rest of the MAGI systems, checking their connectivity to the city itself, running diagnostics on the rest of Headquarters. He felt almost like invisible hands were guiding his, and once he tried to flip his long hair back out of his face, before he remembered that he didn't HAVE long hair, Aoba had. _How weird_.

            "Well, according to this, about 40% of the city above is left intact. The Geofront interior is almost completely obliterated in the middle, and Headquarters has a few gaping holes in it. The MAGI give us a 75.005% survival rate at our current capacity." 

            "Only 75%? That's not good."

            "No, it's not, but it could be worse."

            "True. It's not a zero or a minus."

The signifigance of that statement eluded both children, although Asuka thought that it had sounded pretty silly coming out of her mouth. She supposed she must have been having a blonde moment. 

            "There's very little else we can accomplish here, Asuka. I think we ought to get whatever parts of the Central Block still work up to the surface, and try to get the Bakelite cleared out of the corridors. I don't feel much like going duct-crawling every day."

            "I agree. Let's see what the armory has left that could punch through that plastic crap."

Moving into the hallways that WEREN'T full of the plastic molasses, they found several JSSDF uniforms apparently armed with flamethrowers. By the look of things, they had been doing a pretty good job of melting the Bakelite with them, a tunnel blasted through part of a wall of it. 

            "Guess we found what we needed. D'you know how to shoot one of these things, Shinji?"

            "Um. I didn't know it, but yeah." 

He pulled one free of the sleeves of the uniform, strapping himself in and tightening the fittings like he'd done this a thousand times. Asuka watched him, and followed suit, although she wasn't quite as surefingered as Shinji, her hands trembling a bit as she tightened up.

            "This is morbid. I feel like a ghoul."

            "A what?"

            "Ghoul. Wicked spirit or ghost that haunts graveyards and eats the dead."

            "Gross. At least both our tanks are full."

            "How can you tell?"

            "Your indicator is near the top, and I can just...feel it...somehow...in the weight."

Shinji paused as he realized he had no idea how he knew this. Another Instrumentality memory, apparently. _          Is it ALWAYS going to be this way? Just knowing whatever we need when we need it? Right now I wish I knew how to make it stop..._

Hefting the weapon and nodding, Shinji pointed the nozzle of the flamethrower at the corridor that had already been started on. Asuka smiled grimly, loving the chance to work out her frustrations so dynamically. Looking more closely at the corridor they'd been blasting, she laughed out loud. 

            "What idiots! They were blasting OUT, this corridor leads to the main gate! Did they get turned around or what?"

            "That's good. Now we won't have to clear so much out to get in and out of here. I hope the escalators and lifts are still working out here. I didn't bother to check and see which functional ones were where."

            "Shut up and start burning, baka!" 

With that, she turned on her heel and cut loose with a wide swath of flame across the bottom, napalm splashing up in orange and yellow flashes against the deep red of the Bakelite. She laughed maniacally, enjoying the feel of the power of the weapon under her command, and the strength of the flame it produced. Shinji just shrugged and shot a concentrated blast into the hole that had been started, trying to deepen it as Asuka widened what was there already.

           "I wish we had our Evas, then we could just get one of them to stick their arm in and wiggle it a little. Unit-01 never did care too much about Bakelite. Went through it like styrofoam."

            "Heh. You and your freak machine, eh? Both of you defying the rules and expectations. Don't you know you should have died at least three times now, baka Shinji?"

            "So should you. What was the story with those bandages when you and I woke up?"

Asuka frowned for a moment, unconsciously tightening her grip on the trigger, sending a longer jet of flame than she meant to, splashing up the side of one wall.

            "Oops. Um, it was, I don't know. Last thing that I remember was being ripped apart by the Eva series. A lance went through my Unit-02's eye when it ran out of power, and it took mine with it. I was bleeding all over the place. Damn near killed me. I tried to fight back even without power, and I could feel Mama working with me. Then a lance split my arm in half, and I felt like I'd been run through a dozen times. I blacked out after that."

            "So... You should have needed those bandages when you came out, but never had the need. You came out whole." Shinji brightened at something. "Hey! When we start pulling people from the LCL, they'll be okay. Misato won't be shot, Toji won't be hurt, and neither will his little sister!"

            "Hey, all right! Now shut up and blast things!"

Eventually, after having to go back and pick up spare cannisters of fuel a couple of times, they punched through to the main gate. Apparently they HAD gotten turned around, because the JSSDF had been trying to crack the Bakelite wall from that side, too. There was an APC outside, and it had the keys in the ignition.

            "Well, that was thoughtful of them to leave a car for us, wasn't it, Shinji?"

            Shinji smiled, glad to be done with the flamethrower. After the second hour, the novelty had about worn out. Shucking the now uncomfortably heavy gear, he nodded. "I trust you know how to drive, Asuka? Surely you took driver's ed in college."

            "Um, yeah. I just hope that it works the same as a regular car..."

            It did. After dragging all the heavy weapons out of the back, she haltingly backed them out and through the streets of Tokyo-3, bound for home and, since they'd been down in NERV headquarters for almost six hours, a late lunch. Shinji stayed mouse-quiet in the shotgun seat. This was not just popular slang, but fact, a fact Shinji discovered when he tried to roll down the window and ended up pulling the trigger to the side-mounted shotgun in the door. Asuka screamed and veered nearly off the road, and only avoided a wreck by virtue of no other traffic on the street.

            "ANTA BAKA!? What's wrong with you? You trying to kill us!?" 

            "I'm SORRY! I was just trying to open the damn window! WATCH OUT!"

Asuka swerved again, barely missing a phonepole that had sprouted up before her, as phonepoles are wont to do when driving erratically. Straightening out the car, she slowed down and glared at him. "Don't touch that one again. I thought yo-, I thought we'd been shot!" _ I almost said I though HE'D been shot. Not again! Why can't I keep on despising him?! ARGH! What is WRONG with me, Mama?_

            The rest of the ride home was blessedly uneventful, as was lunch. A simple affair, if only because they were both too worn out to cook something. They just threw some instant ramen cups into the microwave and collapsed around the table, eating in silence before laying out on the floor and catnapping. Apparently the voices were either quiet, or had just faded into background noise that was no longer noticed.

            Asuka woke first, groaning as she cracked her neck, gone stiff from laying funny on one of the pillows. _Ach... that hurts..._ Shaking her head to clear it, she looked over at Shinji, sprawled over two pillows, snoring lightly. This may have been the first time she ever saw him sleep without his music on. _ He really does look cute in his sleep. Peaceful, like he never is when he's awake. Poor guy. _

            She furrowed her eyebrows, this niceness thing was bugging her, as was her apparent inability to make it stop. Still, it wasn't like she was in love with him or anything. Just... _Okay, so maybe I could like him, but he can't know it, he'd just take advantage of me!_

            Realizing she was bored again, and that watching Shinji sleeping was by way of being slightly less entertaining than watching the linoleum in the kitchen warp, she nudged him gently.

            "Hey, Shinji. Wake up, I'm bored again."

Groaning and yawning, he opened his eyes and fought the urge to scream. Asuka was RIGHT OVER him! He couldn't possibly dodge at this distance! _Dodge what, though? She said she was bored, not angry._ "Wha... Asuka... Why did you wake me?"

            "I said I'm bored, baka. Wake up and take me for a walk. It's lovely out tonight, the moon is full, and the air is cool. Get UP!" 

With this she chucked the pillow at him, hitting him square in the face, though softly. Grunting, he pushed the pillow out of his face and tried to smooth his hair, with limited success. "Okay, okay... What did you say you wanted to do?"

            "Take me for a moonlight walk along the beach. I always wanted to do that with Kaji, but I'll settle for you."

            "Gee, I'm honored."__

She chose, rather generously, she thought, to ignore that comment from him and wait for him to get sufficiently conscious to not walk into walls on the way to his shoes. Finally, they stepped out the door, Shinji wondering what in the WORLD possessed Asuka to become so nice recently, and moreover, to get such a weird romantic streak. It was a considerable improvement on her usual zero-to-bitch-in-no-time-flat demeanor, even if she did still call him an idiot every other sentence. 

            As they made their way down to the edge of the lake, Shinji looked up at the sky, the blood-red ring surrounding the world, and the dusting of red and green stars along with the familiar starscape that he'd known since he'd been a child. As he watched, a red star, one of the new ones, flared brightly then streaked across the sky, before disappearing over the horizon.

            "I wonder..."

            "What is it, Shinji?"

            "For a couple of nights, now, we've been seeing shooting stars, right? Red ones."

            "Yeah, so?"

            "Have you noticed how every time we see one, your awareness of Instrumentality slips just a little bit?"

            "Mein Gott, you're right! Does this mean that people are starting to come back?"

            "I think so... We'll have to find a way to get the MAGI working again while we still can, so that anyone in the other branches of NERV will know we're out here."

As they spoke, a green flare lit up the sky, and a glowing green cross arced across the vault of heaven, describing a perfect halving of the sky with its trail.

            "Yeah... What was that!?"

            "Was that...a green cross that just fell?"

            "Yeah... What could it mean?"

            "I have no...idea..."

Shinji drifted into silence as a sound reached his ears. Without realizing it, they'd walked along the same stretch of beach he stood on when his life was upended for the last time, when he met Kaoru.  He thought back, hearing that humming in his head, Kaoru humming "Ode to Joy," perched out on that rock...there... Looking at said rock, Shinji thought he must have been losing his mind, because there he was, just as he had been, slouched comfortably on the rock jutting out of the surf.  Suddenly he realized that this was not a memory, not a flashback, Kaoru was THERE, and he was humming that same song.

            "Ka...Kaoru?"

            "Hmm? What was that, Shinji?" 

He looked at Asuka, looked back at the rock, and Kaoru was gone, along with that humming. "It's...nothing."

            "Oh, come on, I HATE it when people do that!"

            "It's just...I thought I saw someone, someone I used to know." No sooner did he close his mouth, than a gentle, precisely clipped, slightly lisping voice sounded behind him, and close.

            "That is because you did, Ikari Shinji-kun."

Shinji spun like a cat, and there he stood, smiling like he did, but a few details were different.  Instead of his usual shirt-and-slacks uniform, he wore a white robe, luminous in the moonlight, although it possibly was not reflecting the moon. Behind him was the faintest outline of wings, like a heat mirage. Under his arm was a leather-bound tome with writing on it the likes of which neither child had ever seen.

            "Kaoru, is it really you?"

            "Yes, and no."

            "Who the hell is this fruitcake?" _Mein Gott, his eyes! Like Wondergirl's! Who IS this guy!?_

"Kaoru..."

Shinji was on the verge of tears at this point, seeing again the one person who told him he was loved, who later begged Shinji to destroy him, for Shinji's own sake and survival. Asuka, for her part, was trying to decide whether to hit and run. She didn't appreciate the spooky appearing trick.

            "Again, yes and no. I am also Adam, your First Angel, and I have come because you need me, both of you." The absurdity of this statement made Asuka almost bark with laughter, a harsh, cold sound born out of irritation and a lifetime of self-sufficiency.

            "Like Hell! Asuka Langley Sohryu doesn't need ANYBODY!"

            "You know that is not true, Second Child. You know it well."

Staring at her with those crimson eyes, it was hard to argue with him.  She felt her iron mask flaking away, rusting from all the blood spilt on the battlefield and the tears shed on her pillow.  A change was coming over Asuka Langley Sohryu, the effort to be the best finally breaking her, but she'd be damned if she'd break down in front of a stranger, much less this pasty-faced fruit in his bathrobe. The fact that he'd said he was an Angel didn't even register with Asuka, and Shinji had already come to terms with that fact once before.

            "Kaoru... You said you were here to help us? Help us with what?"

            "This is going to be very complicated to explain, but it is important that you understand. When Lilith awoke, and the Third Impact began, it triggered a chain of events that no Lilim, not SEELE, not even your father could have predicted.  Lilith plays a dual role in destiny, both as your Second Angel, and also as the tenth of the Unholy Sephiroth, the emanations from the left hand of God.  Only seven of these were allowed to endure, and she was the first to awake. There will be others. Very soon, you will have to fight again, both of you.  The Adversary is coming, trying to take over the earth in his bid to rule Heaven. He will control the weapons of Man, as well as the remaining unholy Sephiroth.  As you can guess, this cannot be allowed to happen."

            Shinji looked totally lost, and Asuka was just barely hanging onto his explanation. At the mention of having to fight again, though, her look grew hard again, pissed off at the presumption of this kid.

            "Great, just great. So what the hell are we supposed to do? Our Evas are either destroyed or hanging out in orbit, and what the hell are you doing here, and how the hell do you know all this!?"

            "Calm yourself, Second Child.  I am here because Shinji is here, and because you are here.  Before, I was the Seventeenth Angel, born of the First Angel. Now, I am the Chronicler, and the Herald. This is a job usually assigned to my brother, but it was felt best you were given someone familiar."

            "Familiar? I've never seen you before in my life! Shinji, do you know this fruitcake?"

            "Yes...Yes I do. His name is Kaoru Nagisa, the Fifth Child...And he loved me."


	4. The Reality I Make For Myself, Chapter 3

The Reality I Make For Myself, chapter 3: Ayanami no Kaeru (Ayanami's return/Ayanami's frog)

            At the Katsuragi apartment, things were getting loud fast. An argument had sprouted, as arguments do, over what was going to be done with Kaoru. Shinji wanted him to stay at their place. Asuka, in her Asuka way, objected vehemently on the grounds that it would mean she'd be sleeping in a house with TWO teenage perverts! Nevermind the fact that one of them is, by all accounts, gay. Kaoru listened politely, grinning his thin-lipped grin. Waiting for a moment where both combatants paused for breath, he jumped in quietly. "Don't you think it would be wise to ask the "guest" what he would like, since you two can't seem to come to an agreement?"

            Asuka spun and glared daggers at him, ready to tear him an asshole. (To quote Bartleby from Dogma: "In order to be anal retentive, you must first possess an anus." Thus, no asshole yet for Kaoru.) Shinji took this opportunity to prove he had cojones by placing his hand on Asuka's shoulder, so stunning the fiery German that she stopped and gawked at him, still unused to his proof of ownership of a spine.

            "You're right, Kaoru. What would YOU like, then?"

            "I would like for you and Asuka to stop fighting, first of all. In effect, I wish for world peace." He grinned, more to himself than anyone. World peace had never been THAT simple to attain before. "Secondly, I would like to point out that it doesn't matter where I would sleep, because as I am now, I do not require sleep, nor food, nor water. Indeed, I do not have to maintain this corporeal form, as I did when you knew me before. I can come and go as needed, or as I please." As he talked, he set that leather book on the table and opened it to the first page. Pulling a quill pen from seemingly nowhere, but more likely the folds of his robe, he carefully inscribed characters on the first line, characters both children were unfamiliar with.

"Uh, Kaoru, what's that you're writing?"

"My name, Shinji. In Hebrew. 'Adam.'"

"Oh… Why?"

"My next-of-kin cannot awake until I sign this book. Now, we wait. Who's up for a bath?"

            At that moment, in a rundown concrete apartment across town, a girl with blue hair and red eyes awoke, surprised to be awake. She was surprised to be doing ANYTHING, actually, as memories poured into her head like Jell-O into a mold. She remembered things, her whole life as all three incarnations of Rei Ayanami, her role as the First Child, her fusion with Adam and Lilith, her part(s) in Third Impact, and Shinji's decision to return to this reality. She also knew, somehow, that she was now the avatar and vessel of the angel Lilith, and that she must go to Shinji. Why exactly this had to be was not clear to her, but Rei Ayanami was never one to question orders. She just obeyed them.

            _So. I am here because he is here. I must go speak to him._ With that thought, she sat up and swung her legs down off the bed. Trying to stand, she gasped in pain as something sharp pierced her foot. Lifting her heel to examine it, she saw the shard of glass in her foot, saw the red-orange blood the wound oozed. Picking the shard out without another sound, she watched, fascinated, as the wound closed itself over, the blood seeping back into her foot as though it had never been there. _Interesting. I suppose this is a side effect of being One with Lilith._

Looking down to see what she had stepped on, a wave of fresh memories hit her. She had stepped on His glasses. Her Creator.  Her…Father. _That would make Ikari-kun my…brother._ She smiled faintly at the concept, finding it agreeable. Standing up, careful not to step on the ruined glasses again, she was halfway to the door before she realized that she was nude. This was no fit state for her to go to Ikari-kun in, despite what he had seen and done before. Throwing on her school uniform, the only clothes she owned, in record time, she was out the door without even bothering to close up after herself.

_            I have never been in this big a hurry for anything. Why am I running? Do I want to see him this badly?_ She could run, oh yes. Rei had always kept fit, if only because her job as an Eva Pilot demanded it, but now she was glad she had kept herself trim and well-maintained. It made the marathon running to the Katsuragi residence that much easier on her. Even so, she was gasping by the time she reached the door, leaning against the frame as she pushed the doorbell.

            **_pin-pom!_** The Children jumped as the doorbell went, and it was Kaoru who stepped calmly to the door and opened it, a slight smirk of amusement gracing his chalk-pale face. Shinji gulped, knowing this must be the next Angel reincarnated, and he wasn't sure he wanted to meet Sachiel again. His anxiety was mitigated, if not totally undone, by the sight of Ayanami stepping through the door. Flushed and out of breath, she looked like she'd just woken up.

            Rei Ayanami's hair could never have been called "neat." "Cute," perhaps. "Shaggy," definitely. But not "neat." Right at the moment, however, it was several miles over the bed-head horizon and accelerating. It was matted in the back, and damp at the edges with sweat from her running.  As she looked up from taking off her shoes, her face went through a complicated series of changes. It started with irritation, which was as close to hatred as Rei ever got, passed into confusion, and ended up as a smile of familiarity. Familiar with the person, not with her face. To a smile, her face was the restaraunt you only went to once or twice a year. The food was okay, the decor was pretty, but the service was substandard. 

            Kaoru smiled back at her, an unspoken understanding passing between them in an instant. Drops of Lilith's consciousness floated through Rei's mind, like fruit salad in the Jell-O of her mind. She knew, now, that Kaoru was an ally, was in a way as much a brother to her as Shinji was, and that there were great designs in the works. Stepping into the house proper, Rei turned the smile on Shinji, who was trying to decide whether to be afraid, confused, relieved, or D: all of the above. 

            "H- Hi, Rei. I see you're okay. Are you the next Angel that Kaoru told us about?"

            "I am. Although I do not fully understand it, I know that Lilith is a part of me now, more than she was before. I know other things, too. Too many things to speak of all at once." Her voice became more emotional, and started approaching a normal volume. Apparently she was getting over the Neverending Funeral mode of being, and becoming more human even as she became more Angelic. "There's something else, Shinji. About us, and about ou-, your father."

            Shinji wasn't too tired, weirded out, or stupid to miss this slip of the tongue. Asuka had been standing quietly, trying desperately to keep up with the whole situation, but was losing ground fast. One thing she DID know, however, is that Wondergirl was NOT gonna take him from her. _Mein Gott! Did I just think that? Do I really want him for myself like that? _At the words "About us," she scowled and stepped forward one pace, only to find Kaoru standing between her and Rei, smiling and shaking his head. Asuka wasn't stupid enough to try and take on a known Angel barehanded, but it was a hard thing not to try and go through him anyway. Gritting her teeth, she held her peace and let the bluehaired bitch say what she had to say.

            Shinji looked over at Asuka for a moment, dimly aware that something Rei said pissed her off. Turning back to Rei, he nodded, fighting to keep the trepidation out of his voice. "Oh, okay. Well, why don't we all go into the living room and talk this through?" So saying, he looked at Asuka, mouthing at her the word, "What?" before stepping into the main room of the house and settling down on one of the pillows surrounding the low table in there. 

            With a shrug, the two Angels followed him, leaving only Asuka in the kitchen, still quietly fuming. Why was he being so accepting of all this? They were Angels! The enemy! And what in the hell did Rei want with Shinji that involved the word "us?" Her raging reverie was broken by a surprised outburst from Shinji...

            "You're my WHAT?!"

            "Sister. At least, in a manner of speaking. I was created by our father, Gendo Ikari, from the genetic material of our mother, Yui, and the genetic material of the Angel, Lilith. Kaoru here was similarly engineered, although his origins are his to tell. As far as you and I are concerned, we are like half-siblings, since I do not share any genes with our father."

            "But Rei, what about all the rest of your...um, spares?"

            "The Chamber of Guf was destroyed, as were all the backup copies of myself. I am whole, now, with all the memories of my incarnations, including the memories of Third Impact. You did a brave thing, big brother, in wishing for the world you knew before. I wanted to thank you. You gave me another chance to be human, to be real."

            Shinji didn't know what to say to this, except, "Uh... Sure." His SISTER... He had a sister. _Wow. This changes EVERYTHING. _

Asuka stood in the doorway, completely floored.  _Wondergirl was a clone? And his sister, no less? What the hell? _She finally stepped into the room, looking rather dazed, and sat down next to Shinji. Rei nodded to her politely, she was aware of Asuka's feelings for Shinji, conflicted as they were. She would have to have a talk with Asuka alone, later. Kaoru was playing quiet mouse again, watching the exchange with that everpresent grin on his face. One of the real perks of this assignment was the chance to indulge in his favorite hobby, people watching.

            "Hey, First Child, uh, Ayanami..."

            "Call me Rei, Pilot Sohryu."

            "Then you call me Asuka, got it?" She grinned at Rei, glad to be able to turn off her bitch switch around the other girl. She had a spooky feeling she knew who the bigger bitch could be, if it came right down to it.

            "Got it. Now, what did you want to say?" Rei smiled back, getting used to the feeling, and glad on her part that she wouldn't have to put a dent in Asuka's ass. Heaven knew that it was barely there to begin with, there was no sense in getting into imaginary numbers when trying to describe it.

            "Just that I'm glad you were with us on those missions, and I'm glad you're okay now, and I'm glad for BOTH of you that you have someone to call family." She said this last part with a bit of a downturn to her voice. She'd been alone most of her life, but that didn't mean she'd liked it. Indeed, after having found and then lost her mother again so quickly, she felt a distinct need for a connection with SOMEBODY. Seeing Shinji and Wond-... Rei like this stung a little. On the other hand, she could connect with Shinji, he was slowly shaping up to be a halfway decent prospect for a boyfriend. He could cook, after all, and it wasn't everyday you found a guy who could do that AND be counted on (most of the time) to save your life. _Such strange thoughts, I wonder if I'm going crazy again_..._Oh, mama, what am I to do?_

            All this transpired in the blink of an eye or six. The only reason it wasn't eight was the fact that Asuka hadn't blinked in almost half a minute, gazing vaguely at the wall behind Rei and Shinji, as though it held the answers she sought. Finally, she blinked as she realized the room had fallen silent, all eyes on her. "What are you bakas staring at?"

            Shinji looked at his hands, becoming quickly fascinated with the state of his cuticles. "Um..nothing. You just got real quiet. I was wondering if you were alright. You sounded kind of sad there at the end."

            Kaoru and Rei just exchanged glances, as if to say, "Humans..." Asuka looked at Shinji, feeling that weird warmth again. He was worried for her, the sweet idiot. She'd have to let him know soon how she felt, this couldn't go on. It was driving her nuts, holding her feelings back about him. Sighing, she looked away and muttered, "I'm fine, Shinji. Really. Don't worry about me."

            Shinji looked at her some more, wanting to go hug her, but reasonably certain it'd earn him, at the very least, a slap in the face. Sighing, he looked at the clock and realized it was well past dinnertime. He wasn't especially hungry, but it wouldn't do to break routine. "Um, Asuka? What do you want for dinner?"

            "Dinner? Uh, I don't know. Who's turn is it to cook, and do we have enough for four people?"

            Kaoru grinned, how quickly they forget. "You forget, Miss Sohryu, that I do not require food. Neither, in the strictest sense, does Rei, because we both posess S^2 organs. She may still eat, if only through force of habit or to be sociable, but I do not feel any such compunctions."

            "Neither do I, Adam. However, I am rather parched after my run. If I could trouble one of you for something to drink, it would be appreciated."

            Shinji hops up quickly, and goes to the kitchen. Poking his head out, he hollers, "Does anyone else want something to drink?"

            "I'd like some coffee, Shinji, if it's not too much trouble," Asuka said, as Kaoru just shook his head mutely. Nodding, Shinji disappeared into the kitchen, humming something to himself. He took rather a long time for just getting coffee and water, but no one felt much like going in there after him. Presently, he came out with a can of green tea of his own, as well as ice water for Rei and steaming coffee for Asuka. "Here you go, Asuka."

            "Thank you, Shinji. What were you DOING in there?"

            "Oh, just setting dinner to cooking. Nothing complicated or fancy. Just ramen."

            "Ah. I see." Sipping her coffee, she is surprised to find it made precisely to her liking, three sugars. Looking at Shinji over the rim of her mug, she hides a smile behind the ceramic wall in her hands. _You sweet thing. When these dolls are gone, we need to have a talk._

            No sooner had she thought that then Kaoru stood silently and bowed to them all in turn. "Good night, everyone. I will take my leave at this point. Enjoy the rest of the evening, I am sure you have much to discuss." As he turned to gather his book off the kitchen table, Shinji reached out and grabbed his hand.

            "Will we see you again, Kaoru?"

            Kaoru couldn't help but smile at the imploring expression on his face. He really was so charming sometimes. A pity he was destined for that...girl. "Of course, Shinji. You will see me again, soon. Lilith, please come and sign the Book before I go." 

            Rei nodded and stood, taking her water with her. "I should excuse myself as well, my apartment is rather disheveled right now, I must go straighten it. Goodnight, Asuka. Goodnight, Shinji." Finishing off her water and putting it in the sink, she stopped by Kaoru and murmured as she signed the Book. "They are so fragile, do you think they have the strength to survive this?"

            Kaoru looked at her, a little surprised. "You should know, Lilith. You inhabit one of them. Remember, Rei will have her Designates just as the other Children. Your role will largely be to provide information from here on out. Sit back and enjoy being human. I always did." With a grin, he closed the Book and nodded to Rei, having the courtesy to step outside before disappearing in a flash of green light. Rei shook her head quietly and stepped outside after getting her shoes, closing the door behind her. Turning to look at the moon and the Red Ring, she smiled to herself and walked off into the darkness.

            Asuka and Shinji just stared in the general direction of the hallway. "That was unexpected. I wonder why they left in such a hurry?"

            "Beats me, Shinji. Let's go check on dinner, ramen noodles don't take THAT long to cook."

            As they sat down to dinner, Asuka kept looking sidelong at Shinji. She wanted to talk to him, but couldn't figure out how to start the conversation. Shinji was in no rush to finish dinner, but he was dimly aware of Asuka staring at him now and again. Finally, he looked at her as she picked at her noodles and opened his mouth, about to unleash a flood of emotions and words that would change his reality forever.

            "Um, Asuka? What's the matter?"

            She looked up at him and suddenly burst into tears, unable to hold back anything more. Shinji looked shocked, but moved to her side almost immediately, kneeling beside her as though he could peek under her curtain of red hair. Placing a  hand on her arm, he waited for the hellstorm of sobbing to clear enough for her to form actual words. Finally, she calmed down enough to choke out a coherent sentence...

            "It's just, *sniff* since we came back from Third Impact, you've been so kind to me, and I've been having new feelings about you, and I can't stop thinking about you. *sniff* I like you, Shinji, but I'm afraid. I've lost everything of value in my life, I have no reason left to live, except for you. I didn't realize it until just tonight, I got jealous of Rei when she said she had something to say about you two. I wanted to try and keep you all to myself. Help me, Shinji. What do I do?!"

            Needless to say, Shinji was totally flabbergasted. He recovered well, though, letting the revelation of her feelings for him not overwhelm him. He wasn't much good at comforting and advice, but he knew that song of desperation, he'd sung it himself on more than one occasion. Putting an arm around her gently, he gave her a gentle hug, trying to calm her down. "I had no idea, Asuka. I'm glad you told me. I've liked you for a while, but you were always so hard to approach, and I never thought you'd return my feelings. Please calm down, it's going to be alright. Something Kaoru taught me, he said that you can't be afraid of interacting with other people, even if you run the risk of being hurt. I used to be afraid like this, thinking my life hung by a thread. But there was always something there, something I was holding on for. I didn't know it at the time, but it was you. Because we have each other, it's going to be okay."

            This was a marathon speech for Shinji, and he wondered what sort of demented Ann Landers-style memories he had pulled those words from. Instrumentality could be a damn useful thing sometimes. Asuka's sobs slowed and eventually stopped, as a swell of joy started rising in her chest as he spilled his guts to her. Looking up at him with wide, terrified eyes, she searched his face for any sign that he was lying, or just saying this to chill her out. What she saw nearly stopped her heart. He was looking at her with genuine concern, a small smile on his lips at seeing her stop crying. This, of course, threw her to the other side of the pendulum's swing, and she burst into tears again, practically throwing herself at him in a hug.

            Whatever Shinji was expecting, it wasn't this. With a surprised yelp, he intercepted ninety-five pounds of hysterical redhead at Mach 5. At least, that's what it felt like. Trying not to fall, he instinctively put his arms around her and braced against the floor, trying to maintain his balance as she buried her face in his shoulder. With a mental sigh, he stood there and let her cry herself out. Finally, she sagged into his arms, emotionally and physically exhausted.

            "Shinji... help me to bed?"

            Nodding mutely, he helped her stumble back into the living room and into her room, helping her into bed and tucking her in. Something about the moment demanded tenderness, and he delivered, giving her a gentle pat on the hand before standing and walking out.

            "Shinji?"

            "Hm?"

            "...Goodnight."

            "Goodnight, Asuka. Sweet dreams."

            He closed the door slowly, a smile on his face as he went back to his room and lay down, not feeling like getting out the futon tonight. Closing his eyes, sleep came on swift wings to Shinji Ikari, a boy who was loved.


	5. The Reality I Make For Myself, Chapter 4

THE REALITY I MAKE FOR MYSELF, CH. 4

 It had been three weeks since the return of Kaoru and Rei, and life was settling into some form of routine. Apparently, the Powers had decided to bless their pantry, taking a fishes and loaves approach to shopping. The food never went bad, and the Children never went hungry. 

 Asuka and Shinji had been taking it very slow. After the revelation of their feelings for one another, they reached a sort of unspoken agreement not to rush things or pursue them unless the other said something first. This resulted in a much more sedate and peaceful household than had ever been, and an improvement on life in general. 

The occasional "Baka" was still thrown around, but usually only when Asuka was teasing, or if one of them made a mistake, such as when Asuka mistook the powdered sugar for flour when trying to make pancakes one morning. 

Kaoru and Rei visited periodically, and the foursome had a habit of going down into the Geofront, such as was left, to continue the pursuit of contact with the outside world. Kaoru had confirmed that, yes; souls were beginning to emerge from the Sea of LCL, deciding that a life of real pain was better than a life of false peace. Unfortunately, none of these souls had surfaced in Tokyo-3.

It was during one of these sessions, after successfully cracking a particularly recalcitrant firewall placed on the Magi, that Shinji realized something. "Kaoru, you said that there would be enemies coming soon. Why haven't they shown yet?"

"There's no real telling, I'm afraid. We don't know that much about their movements, their schedule. Nothing like this was ever prophesied by mortals, and although The Father knows, He just smiles like He knows something you don't. Which, of course, He does. I'm sorry, Shinji, but we will feel them when they arrive, and will come to warn you."

Asuka was listening with half an ear, trying more conventional ways of communicating with the outside world, namely telephones. Rei was helping, using some Angelic influences to feel out the lines that were still up and available. It was tedious work, but it was something to do all day besides sleep and eat. Neither of the Children could allow letting themselves go like that. With a characteristic growl of frustration, she slammed the phone down and tore at her hair. 

"Verdammt... This is pointless! What are the odds that there's anyone just sitting by the phone, waiting for someone to call? And DON'T give me a number, Rei," she said as the blue-haired angel child opened her mouth, ostensibly to rattle off some ratio or other. "Seriously. I'm going to go out for a little fresh air." 

With that, she stood up and stalked out of the command center, leaving the others with a collective sigh, and a collective thought that yeah, it really was time to take a break. A glance at the clock told Shinji part of why Asuka was so testy. They hadn't eaten in several hours. Locking out the console out of habit, (Aoba's habit, not his.) Shinji went off in search of Asuka, hollering a suggestion that they get some food.

Shinji turned a corner and found himself rather confused. He knew the base layout really well by this time, and was relatively certain there was supposed to be a corridor there. Shrugging and turning around, he nearly soiled himself when Kaoru, stepping through the illusory wall, snuck up behind him and jumped, covering his eyes.

"AAAAIGH!"

"Shhhh… It's just me, silly. No need to get so high strung." 

Shinji whirled at the voice, still a little shook up, and saw Kaoru standing there, an impish grin on his ashen face. For once, Shinji could have almost passed as an Angel, as his face was a similar shade of blanche. 

"You nearly scared me to death! What are you on, angel dust?"

"Oh, that was funny, Mister Ikari. Suppose I just felt like being playful, like my old human self used to want to do. Is that so wrong?"

"There's a difference between funny and attempted induction of cardiac arrest, Kaoru. But no, you're okay. Just don't try that with Asuka, you might have to go ask for a new body. I'm sure that must be a hassle."

Kaoru blinked for a moment and then laughed, his friend at once completely missing and yet uncannily grazing the true nature of things. He would always have this shape, but it WAS embarrassing to have to report in that you had DIED on assignment. It wasn't something that went overlooked often. "Come on, Shinji, let's find the girls and get you mortals some food before you join me on the Celestial plane."

Kaoru put an arm around Shinji's shoulders, and the pair made their way outside, where Rei had found Asuka, tapping her foot impatiently for the rest of them to follow. 

"About time you showed up! Some manners, making ladies wait on you two jokers. You ought to be ashamed!" With a slight smirk she punched Kaoru in the arm, followed by a lighter tap to Shinji. Laughing, the group started to walk up the long path home. 

Consider Rei. She is enjoying immensely this new existence, the idea that she is something more than just Gendo Ikari's puppet now makes her smile. She's been getting her practice in at smiling, what with Asuka taking her (after some initial mistrust) as the token Girlfriend and starting to forge an actual friendship with the enigmatic ex-clone. Fortunately, Rei was nothing if not a quick learner, and once exposed to the (moderately) normal social situations that occurred with the Children, she soon developed a personality other than "E: none of the above." 

Shinji, meanwhile, was coping nicely with actually having a family member that wasn't dead, whether physically or emotionally. It was a learning experience for all of them, and the future looked bright, with only the distant gloom of Kaoru's prophecy to darken their doorstep. 

After dinner and after the Host had said goodnight, Asuka settled down for a little light reading in her room and Shinji did something a little unusual. He went for a walk.

Stepping past Asuka's door on his way out, he knocked. As he had expected, Asuka sounded a little put out at having her reading disturbed.

"Ja? What is it, Shinji? "

"I'm going out for a walk. I shouldn't be too late, so don't lock the door on me."

"Oh, fine, whatever. Enjoy it."

Shinji shook his head as he went to the genkan and got his shoes. The least she could do is sound like she cared. _Oh, well. One day at a time, I suppose._ Putting his shoes on and opening the door, he called out, "I'll be leaving now," hoping that reflex at least would get a response out of her. 

Sure enough, almost before she knew it, her mouth opened and formed the words, "Take care of yourself." Smiling, Shinji walked out as Asuka silently cursed Hikari for teaching her Japanese etiquette. The moon was low tonight, and the illumination was rather sparse, save for the lights coming off the ghost town that was Tokyo-3. Shinji walked along until he came again to the shoreline of the lake of LCL, the familiar sanguine smell by now hardly noticed, the whole scene blessedly tranquil and serene.

Shinji smiled and clambered out onto one of the rock outcroppings, listening to the surf and relaxing. Somehow this place always made him think of his mother. It seemed he could remember her more clearly when he was here. Other memories became sharper, like that memory of Kaoru on top of the rock, humming "Ode to Joy."

Turning his head, Shinji sighed and chuckled as history repeated itself again. Kaoru was perched on that rock again, humming that same song. With a laugh, Shinji waved to Kaoru and yelled, "Don't you ever get tired of that song? At least I have different tapes in my SDAT!"

Kaoru looked his way, or seemed to. The shadows made his face hidden, but the hair was there, the frame. With a hop, Kaoru landed next to Shinji on his rock, and crouched down behind him, leaning his chin on Shinji's shoulder. "No, I never tire of it. Quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to you Lilim." 

Something about his voice was different, an almost metallic edge Shinji hadn't noticed before. Chalking it up to fatigue, he shrugged it off and half turned around to look at Kaoru, who seemed to be grinning again in the shadows. Odd, but the shadows seemed to follow Kaoru's face, as though he always had his back to the light. Leaning down, Kaoru actually kissed Shinji on the cheek, an action that both registered as incredibly strange to Shinji, and somehow wrong. Not in a moral sense, but just that something about the feel wasn't RIGHT. 

"It's truly a shame what has to happen, the fighting again, after all we've been through. Truly a shame." No mistaking it now, his voice had changed, sounded like it was coming from a particularly high-end set of speakers. Almost perfect sound reproduction. Almost. Shinji turned his blushing face a little farther around, his torso following, when something totally unexpected happened. 

Kaoru moved like a snake, snapping out with both hands and wrapping his fingers around Shinji's throat, squeezing it tightly. Shinji didn't have time to be scared, just shocked, as he felt a stabbing, needling pain shoot through his neck. He was being strangled. Kaoru was killing him… He trusted him again, and Kaoru had betrayed that trust… Shinji's vision was dimming, he could feel his life slip away, thought he must be going to hell as a great blackness welled up all around the shadowy figure of Kaoru. Then, all at once, the pain stopped. 

He could breathe again after a fashion, which he did, taking great big gulps of blood-smelling air. He coughed and gagged too, but at least his throat muscles were still working. When his vision cleared and the stars and spots stopped dancing in front of his eyes, he looked around for Kaoru. What he saw nearly stopped his heart.

Kaoru was fighting…something. A figure made out of light, rather taller than Kaoru, was putting some very serious effort into trying to kill Kaoru. Shinji recognized the hum and crackle of opposing AT fields, and he was grateful at least that the proximity was low; he didn't want any part of that. The motions were hard to follow, a strange sort of super-fast martial arts that reminded Shinji of an old genre of movies, where the fighting was all planned and choreographed like a dance, and computers made men do things that Shinji used to do all the time in his Eva. 

Putting THAT pleasant thought out of his head, he realized with some suspicion that he recognized something about this figure of light. There was no shadow for it to cast, yet something about the immediate area suggested something MUCH, MUCH, MUCH bigger. Shinji watched, stunned, as the light-creature seemed to deal a stunning blow, sending Kaoru to the ground, where he looked up, spitting sand. At least, he seemed to spit sand. His face was still shadowed, which made no sense at all given his opponent's resemblance to a spot-lamp. 

Reaching out with one arm, the figure grabbed Kaoru by the head and twisted impossibly, turning Kaoru's head backwards on his neck with a horrific snapping and crunching sound. Shinji retched at the sound, not wanting to believe what he was seeing. It was all going so well... What would happen to Asuka?

Amazingly, the body in the giant's hand refused to fall limp, twitching spasmodically and rotating on its own, the head and body realigning themselves. Without another sound, the creature of light appeared to stare balefully at Kaoru's back. A flash of light, a familiar sort of crackle and zing, and Kaoru sported a nice new purple cross of energy sticking out of his chest. 

As the cross faded away, a red sphere could be seen glowing in the edge of the hole, which was already beginning to close. The giant reached out with its free arm and gripped the sphere, which Shinji dimly recognized as a core. With a twist and a yank, the core was extracted from Kaoru's body, and he finally stopped struggling, falling limp to the ground. 

The creature seemed pleased with itself, turning the sphere over in an almost reflective manner. With a very human shrug, it internalized the sphere and began to change. Shinji watched, dumbfounded, as the light began to shift, turn colors, and darken into solid matter.

In the end, "it" was a tall, rather muscular young man, as pale of skin and red of eye as Rei or Kaoru, but with long, aqua green hair pulled into a ponytail. His clothes seemed design for ease of movement, loose fitting pants and a tank top. Shinji could see the shimmer and shudder of wings behind him, kept just out of sight, like he had seen on Kaoru, except these seemed different somehow. 

As the light bled away altogether, "it" turned and saw Shinji. Shinji fought the urge to scream like a girl and run for it, he saw what that thing could do, it was obviously an Angel. Then "it" smiled widely at him and waved, as though Shinji were an old buddy of his that he'd seen in the park or something.

"Shinji! My man! Come over here man, you look scared half to death!" The accent was strange, it sounded like any second, he could be expected to say, "Duuude." In short, he sounded like a California Surfer, but in Japanese. 

Shinji was stunned at this point, but not immobile. He had expected a silent, swift attack, and had gotten neither swift death nor silence. Clambering down off his rock, more than a little shakily, he looked up at this strange being and stammered.

"wh..who… wha… what did… Ka..oru.. You…"

"Whoa, take it easy there, little bud. You had a close scrape back there. Good thing I showed up when I did. Damn Eva unit almost had you." He gave Shinji a startlingly firm pat on the back, and Shinji tried to assimilate this new data. He was alive. That was an Eva unit lying on the ground, not Kaoru. This guy is an Angel.

"Thank you, I guess. But who are you?"

His new acquaintance feigned a look of injury. "I'm hurt, man. You should remember your first victory, at least. I'm the one you lost your Eva cherry to. I'm Sachiel. Nice to see you again."

Shinji felt like his stomach had opened up a hatch at the bottom and said "EVERYBODY OUT!" He felt, also, like he was having a very bad dream. But the soreness of his neck where Kaoru, no, where the Eva had tried to strangle him. Now that it was dead, the shadows weren't so friendly, and Shinji stared blankly at a face that looked like the bastard son of Kaoru and The Joker. The familiar lines of Kaoru's face were broken by this hideous red gash of a mouth, these lips that even a drag queen would have thought over the top. 

                Even in death, the grin remained, mindless and terrifying. It reminded Shinji of the smiles of the Eva series right before they started to look like Rei. Shaking off the memory, he looked up at the sound of pounding feet on the sand and the sight of Rei and (he hoped) the real Kaoru running to him. Why Kaoru couldn't have materialized right there was beyond Shinji, but the author knows that it wouldn't have made for very exciting reading.

                Stopping short of the scene and stepping over the prone corpse, Rei smiled at the newcomer. "Sachiel, I see you made it in time. Welcome back to Earth."

                "Thanks, Lilith. It's good to be back, and how about this new body? LOADS more maneuverable than my original. I think I spooked our boy here, though," he said, looking down at Shinji fondly. "Their boy" looked immensely perplexed, still trying to work through the past ten minutes. 

                "Wait a minute... You're Sachiel back from the dead?"

                "Not dead. You can't kill an angel, just discorporate one. Fighting a life-or-death battle with an angel is like playing Rochambeau with your opponent wearing a cup. Hah."

                Shinji had no idea what he was talking about, but nodded. "And you just saved my life. I think. Why?"

                "I think I'll let my brother field that one. Adam?"

                Kaoru stepped forward and patted Shinji on the shoulder. "You see, Shinji, eventually all of the angels will return, and they will be the protectors of you children who defeated them originally. Since you fought and defeated Sachiel originally, he is to be your guardian. Do you understand now?"

                Shinji looked thunderstruck, but after a few weeks of relative normalcy, it was almost comforting to have his life shaken up again. He was almost beginning to get bored. "I think so. So are you my servant or just a bodyguard?"

                Sachiel looked down at his young charge and laughed loudly, pounding him on the back again. Shinji felt certain he'd have bruising in the morning. "Good one, little bud! Servant... HAH!"

                Shinji opened his mouth to say he wasn't kidding, thought better of it, and looked to Rei. "Is Asuka okay? It WAS just this one, right? There's not another one in the apartment snapping her neck, right?"

                Rei looked nonplussed. Of course. "No, we sensed only this one. Although, now that they have started to come, it may be wise for us to return to your apartment. I can't imagine the Adversary would pass up such a prime opportunity."

                Shinji nodded, feeling nauseous as he imagined that sick looking Joker-Kaoru standing over Asuka's broken and bleeding body, grinning like the Cheshire cat on catnip. Looking at Sachiel one last time with shreds of lingering misgivings, he starts off towards home at a dead run. The angelic Host shrug collectively and follow him in their rather unique way, the air around them crackling and shimmering, as if invisible wings beat, driving them to catch up to him. As they flew off, both literally and figuratively, no one noticed bubbles floating to the surface of the LCL surf, nor the hand that reached out of it and clawed desperately at the sand. The hand WAS attached to an arm, and that arm to a torso, and that torso to a head, which coughed and spluttered and spit LCL, cursing quietly, and muttering about needing a beer...

                Back at the apartment, Asuka was in the bath, enjoying a nice soak without having to worry about Shinji barging in on her. She had on some music, Handel's "Water Music," and all was right with the world. 

Too bad it didn't last.

                With a start, she heard the front door open and shut, and Shinji's voice calling her name frantically. "ASUKA? ASUKA, ARE YOU HERE?" He searched the house in record time, not that impressive a feat considering the size of the apartment, but by then Asuka had toweled herself and opened the bathroom door. 

                "I'm here, you idiot! What the hell are you yelling about?" She looked exceedingly cross, mostly because he had interrupted her favorite part of the music. With a start, she realized that they had company, and it was more than two. She took in the newest Angel in a hurry, and felt her knees go weak. _Mein Gott in Himmel, he's GORGEOUS! And then he opened his mouth. _

                "Hey, there! You must be Asuka! I'm Sachiel, nice to meetcha!" He grinned wide and made for a handshake, but ended up barely dodging a snake-fast slap and a chorus of curses, mostly German. Stepping back, he looked to Rei, a little confused, who walked up to the red-haired and red-faced girl, trying with greater than usual success to calm her down and explain things. In one corner of Asuka's mind, her romantic side made note of Shinji's concern for her well-being, and squirreled it away for later use.

                "So he's one of Shinji's bodyguards because Shinji beat him the first time they met? How weird. When do I get one?"

                Kaoru looked at Sachiel and gestured him over to sign the Book, which he did. As Sachiel signed his name on the line, Kaoru looked up at Asuka. "Your first victory was shared with Shinji, and was our brother Gaghiel, the Angel of Fish. Look for him after the appearance of Ramiel. If what happened with Sachiel is any indication, the appearance of one will presage the appearance of the other, so if you see any more of me running around with a mouth like a whale at a drag show, be on the lookout for a bright light, and start to run."

                Asuka could say nothing to that except, "Oh..okay." Kaoru had a way of killing conversation like that. Rei finally coughed and suggested it might be a good idea if Asuka got dressed, which she did after tossing off another "Perverse idiot!" at no one in particular. The males (or at least, male-shaped entities) shrugged at each other while Rei just giggled quietly. This earned her a strange look from Shinji, to which she just smiled at him. 

                Shinji smiled back and turned to Sachiel, who had leaned up against the doorframe and was eyeing the room with interest. Coughing to get his attention, Shinji decided to get to know his new gift of Heaven.

"So, I don't guess you're gonna hang around the whole time here, right? How do I get a hold of you if I need you?"

                "Easy. Just holler. Wherever you go, I'll be there. Simple enough."

                "Oh, okay. In that case, I'll see you later, then, I guess? You're not staying the night, right?"

                "Nope! I'm gonna go back with Adam here to Lilith's place and chill." With that, he and the rest of the Host faded from view, Rei waving at Shinji with a smile. Smiling back, he turned as the door to Asuka's room opened and she stepped out, dressed in an oversized t-shirt and (presumably) panties. 

                "Huh? Where'd they go? Did they disappear? I didn't hear the door open..."

                "Yeah, they went back to Rei's place. Listen, Asuka... Do you think we can handle this? I mean, I almost died tonight, I would never have suspected that attack. Do you think that we can even make it on our own in this world? "

                "I dunno, Shinji. We're both pretty unique. What with the Instrumentality knowledge, we could do damn near anything, except that we don't have enough people in the world to make it happen anymore."

                They both heaved a sigh, looking at each other. It had been a long, exhausting day, and tomorrow didn't seem to be shaping up any better. They ended up dragging out the futon on the living room floor tonight, sleeping next to each other out of some unspoken desire not to be alone tonight. As he slept, Shinji had a dream of Asuka, caught in the clutches of his berserk Unit-01, exactly as he had gripped Tabris in Terminal Dogma just before granting his death wish. In his dream, Shinji screamed.


End file.
